Be Nice

A colleague was complaining about a co-worker with a thorny personality. This woman was condescending and rude to her employees, and thus morale was low. My friend wanted her to be nicer to her employees, but was at a loss of how to change her personality.

I told her that while this woman isn’t nice, she greatly values efficiency and effectiveness. I suggested that my friend ask how well her brusque and biting approach was working with her staff (spoiler alert: it isn’t). She may be encouraged to be nice not from a natural warmth but from a desire for effectiveness in her team. My friend thought it was a great idea and would try it out.

Sometimes it is possible to convince someone to change their behavior not by appealing to human kindness but by leveraging other motives.

Trust in the Lord

"Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but endures forever." - Psalm 125:1

We often speak of trusting God as a guide to direct our steps in the right path. Yet we also need to trust in God’s truth to speak to our present reality. If we don’t trust in God, we will come to trust in other voices.

I know of a woman with a rare genetic disorder. Her brain and her stomach are not connected. When she eats something, no message is sent to her brain that there is food in her stomach. She is constantly hungry; no matter how much she eats, she never feels full. Most people with this disorder are morbidly obese, since they eat and eat and eat. Yet this woman is a healthy weight. She has learned how to manage how much she eats at a meal. Even if she feels hungry later, she remembers the truth of what she ate. She has learned to trust in the truth, not in what she feels.

We may say “I feel discouraged” or “I feel abandoned” or “I feel hopeless,” and all of these are real feelings. We need to be honest about what we feel. However, we also must not trust in our feelings to dictate how we live. We need to trust in the Lord, not in our feelings.

Also, when people say “I feel like you don’t love me” or “I feel like there’s no hope,” those are not expressions of true feelings. Feelings reflect a state of consciousness, like joy, sorrow, excitement, or anger. The phrase “I feel like…” is a statement of opinion or belief. “I feel like you don’t love me” really means “I feel upset because I believe that you don’t love me.” We need to distinguish between our actual feelings and our beliefs or opinions, and then closely examine those beliefs or opinions. If they are not in alignment with the truth, we need to shift our erroneous thinking into the truth.

The Bible is remarkably nuanced in its treatment of feelings. Strict religious culture teaches us to stifle our feelings. Modern society teaches us to elevate our feelings as the highest form of truth. The Bible teaches us to pray our feelings: we acknowledge our feelings, recognize their source, and either pray to change our erroneous thoughts or channel our feelings into prayer.

Prevent Water Hazards

When you’re done with the shower, but before you step out, shake the water off your body. Wipe yourself down and get as much excess water off as you can. This way, when you walk out of the shower, you won’t be dripping water all over the floor. This will keep the floor dry and prevent slipping (if you have tile floors) or keep your bathroom rug from becoming waterlogged and squishy (if you use a rug).

Who are you?

Heard this story at a church service on Sunday.

“A rabbi was walking home from the synagogue after a long day of going about his work. It was later than usual, and as he walked home, the sun set. Lost deep in thought, he took the left – instead of the right when the path split. Instead of nearing home, he was walking towards a Roman outpost. “WHO GOES THERE” boomed a deep voice in the dark, shaking him from his thoughts. Shaken and confused, the rabbi tried to figure out who this was at his home. “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE” thundered back, as a massive centurion stepped into view. The rabbi quickly realized the mistake he must have made. Instead of answering the centurion’s question, he replied, “how much are you paid to stand here every day?” “Three drachma” replied the centurion. “I see,” said the rabbi. “I will pay you twice as much to stand in front of my door and ask me the same question every single day.”

Faithfulness

"None of the good promises the Lord had made to the house of Israel failed. Everything was fulfilled." - Joshua 21:45

The very last verse in the book of Joshua, describing how the people of Israel entered the promised land.

Tip on public speaking: Don't say you're nervous

When speaking in public, you are bound to feel jittery. You are in front of an audience, singled out, with everyone observing you. It’s perfectly normal to feel somewhat nervous.

What you don’t want to do is call attention to it. Don’t start out your speech by saying: “I’m sorry, I’m a bit nervous right now.” Speakers tend to do this as a way to build rapport with the audience. They think that confession will build sympathy for the speaker and the audience will be more attentive to what the speaker says.

But it doesn’t work. By confessing to the nervousness, the speaker has called attention to it, and now the audience focuses on the nervousness rather than the message. The slight stammer, the shaky hand, the uncomfortable fidgeting that all may have gone unnoticed now become magnified. The audience sees a nervous person on stage and feels pity. Yet the power of the statement becomes lost. Your opportunity to voice your thoughts is lost to your own honesty.

When addressing an audience, speak confidently. They are listening to you for a reason. They have given you their attention and their time. No matter how nervous you may be feeling, don’t waste that precious chance. Be confident.

Public Sharing

Last night I went to a New Year’s Eve party hosted by folks from my church here in the Valley. We ate good food, played silly games, and talked. As midnight approached, we gathered in a circle and shared what we were grateful for from the previous year and what we had learned.

I always enjoy these moments. I get a chance to hear from everyone what they had experienced from the previous year, from new jobs to visits to the hospital to the daily stress of life. The prevailing theme seemed to be one of trying to break from complacency. Multiple people spoke to their desire to extend beyond their comfortable lives and to pursue purpose and mission.

I am reminded that it is not by our own efforts that we can live radical and dangerous lives. We pursue passionately after God when we recognize how passionately he pursued after us.