1L Winter Memo

I've made a habit of logging my Facebook posts on this blog, since Facebook isn't a great place to search for content. It looks like I missed this one from February 2014, so I'll post it here now:

I have a major assignment due next week. Because of how I chose to prioritize my time the past few weeks, I am incredibly behind. I am fairly certain that my end product won't be very good, and that most likely I will receive a low grade.

I will confess to feeling some stress over this, but I am actively choosing to shift my thinking. The truth is that one bad grade is not determinative of my future. I can learn from it and move on. Furthermore, regardless of whether I got a stellar or a horrid grade on the assignment, I would still be incompetent as a legal writer. This sort of skill takes practice. I'm sure that the first 10, 50, 100 writing assignments I produce as a lawyer will be far from amazing.

Yet I still recognize a subtle panic that comes over me when I think about this assignment. Perhaps this too is part of learning how to be a lawyer, how to manage this panic. Because in the future, it won't be my grade that is on the line. It will be a parent's right to child custody, it will be an entrepreneur's dreams for her business, it will be a prisoner's plea for exoneration. In the future, clients will say "I don't understand my rights, so I'm putting everything in your hands." This is an awesome responsibility. Learning how to manage my emotions now is a crucial key to serve my clients well.

The Justice Conference 2016

I'll be attending the Justice Conference again this year on June 3-4 in Chicago. The Justice Conference is presented by World Relief, an international development and relief organization founded as the humanitarian arm of the National Association of Evangelicals.

I attended the conference last year and left truly inspired. Of course, big conferences alone cannot solve systemic injustices of racism, poverty, and slavery. The work takes work. But conferences can spark movement and inspire ideas.

If you're interested, you can check out videos of previous conferences. Past speakers include N.T. Wright, Noel Castellanos, Lynne Hybels, and Shane Claiborne. I particularly want to highlight the talk by Bryan Stevenson, the founder and director of Equal Justice Initiative, who speaks about how faith animates his work in representing people on death row. Last year also featured musical performances by David Crowder and Rend Collective.

http://www.thejusticeconference.com/index.html

https://vimeo.com/thejusticeconference/videos

https://vimeo.com/90682764

AMBW

I was at a comedy show several months ago. Two black women were on stage, dressed in heavy coats, pretending to be two old black men. Cracking jokes, having a laugh. Then they said something that caught my attention. "You know which people are most likely to marry later in life? You know which people have the hardest time finding a date? Asian men and black women. They should get together and make themselves some cute blasian babies!"

This bit came to mind because I came across an article in Vice exploring the world of "Asian Men Black Women" dating. The article explores several reasons why Asian men and black women are considered undesirable. Asian men are seen as reserved, passive, and unmasculine, while black women are seen as domineering, aggressive, and difficult. I found particularly striking the data from OK Cupid which indicated that while black women reply the most to messages, but get the fewest replies themselves. So small informal communities Asian men and black women are forming. Although fetishization is an issue, there is a certain beauty to these relationships.

When I read the article, I thought about the racial tensions that exist between Koreans and African Americans in Los Angeles, especially after the 1992 riots. I was only five years old at the time, and we were not living near where the riots occurred. But those events brought to the surface deep animosity between Koreans and African Americans. I hope that things are better, but I honestly don't know.

My friend Albert Alby Wang once commented to me about the beauty of interracial relationships, because they represent the heart of racial reconciliation. These relationships naturally have more difficulties, both from suspicious voices outside and misunderstandings within. But that also presents an opportunity for love to flourish and overcome trials. Of course, I would caution against pursuing an interracial relationship purely as an object lesson in racial reconciliation. "I love you because I'm Asian and you're black" isn't a formula for a winning romance.

Would I date a black woman? I'm not dating anyone at the moment—the explanation for the complete absence of any sort of romantic endeavors in my life is best saved for another post. I believe that my parents would be open to it, although I do know that they would prefer a Korean woman. I think my extended family in Korea wouldn't even know what to say. For myself, I'm open to the idea, maybe more open now than I would have been several years ago.

About OCI

Let's talk about OCI.

OCI, or On-Campus Interviews, happen in the fall before the second year of law school. Dozens of employers come to interview students for jobs for the following summer (summer after second year). The vast majority of these employers are large law firms that employ hundreds of lawyers (referred to as BigLaw firms). These are firms that retain big clients like Apple, Boeing, or Caterpillar. These are the firms that pay their associates the most money; starting salary is $160,000, or $3,000 a week. For students strapped with debt, these jobs are quite attractive, and the vast majority of my classmates go toward these firms. At the end of the summer with the firm, most are offered a permanent job after they graduate, which most accept. This means that after only one year of school, many of my classmates knew where they would likely work after they graduate.

As you can imagine, competition for these jobs is fierce, and OCI is a very stressful experience. The interviews on campus last only 20 minutes, and interviewers are usually meeting with candidates back-to-back throughout the day. You need to make a strong first impression. Confident handshake. Winning smile. Thoughtful questions. Successful candidates are flown out to callback interviews at the firms to meet with more interviewers.

I went into OCI thinking that I wanted to work in the technology industry. I have worked in the industry before (although not from a technical standpoint), and believed that I could learn a lot from the experience. I spent countless hours researching firms and thinking up questions. I forget how many OCI interviews I had. Maybe 15? Maybe 20? The process was very stressful, and I had to find creative ways to deal with the stress. Right before an interview, I told one of my classmates that I sing to let off steam, which led to an impromptu rendition of "Love on Top" by Beyoncé, right on the spot.

OCI is stressful because a job is not guaranteed. Out of OCI, I got two callbacks, along with two other callbacks that I got through reaching out directly to the firms. None of those callbacks converted into offers. I got shut out at OCI. The story we hear in the first year is that the only people who don't get offers have bad grades, are terrible interviewers, or have miserable social skills. My grades were not the best, but were OK. I don't think that I'm a bad interviewer, but that's hard to tell. And I think I have decent social skills.

I was pretty bummed after I got shut out of OCI. I couldn't help second guessing my decisions. Maybe I should have studied harder. Maybe I should have done the writing competition and tried for a journal. Maybe I should have gone to another school.

But then I talked to my parents. They said to me, "We were surprised that you did OCI. We were expecting you to pursue public interest. Remember, we came to this country so that you would have the freedom to do what you love and not have money dictate your choices. Money should be the least consideration in where you work."

My parents are pretty great, especially because I know other parents (particularly immigrant parents) who would say something different.

My experience at OCI got me thinking about why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place. I wanted to be a lawyer to gain skills to directly help others, particularly those who have no resources and no voice. I wanted to be a lawyer to live out my faith: care for the weak and vulnerable, the abandoned and oppressed. This path has led me in my current direction of pursuing a career in direct services, particularly in the intersection between housing and criminal justice.

In retrospect, I'm glad that I didn't get an offer from OCI, as going to work for a BigLaw firm would not have been the right fit for me. Maybe it's a good fit for other people. I know that for some people, the financial pressures are real, and the salary of BigLaw helps them support their families. I know that I'm fortunate to have parents who are financially stable and support my decision to pursue a career that will probably not pay very well. And I know that for some, the work of BigLaw is appealing, and they would choose to work there for a fraction of the salary.

But it's not for me. And that's OK.

Third and final CLF Auction

Last week was my third and final Chicago Law Foundation Auction. CLF is a student-run nonprofit that helps raise funds for public interest work at the school. Students who work at nonprofits or government agencies during the summer don't get paid by their jobs. Our school provides a stipend to help them get through the summer. CLF is one source of funding for those stipends.

CLF conducts various fundraising events throughout the year, including selling Law School merchandise. But our biggest event is the Auction. We collect donations from businesses, student groups, and professors. Some of these items are quite valuable. For example, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver is an alum of the school. He donated two tickets to the NBA All-Star Game in Toronto, which go for hundreds of dollars.

The Auction is also one of the best nights at the school, with live music and free food and drink. I'm happy that I got to play a part in school tradition. Although I'm a bit sad that my time at school is coming to a close, I'm glad that I got to make an impact.

What I really enjoy about working with CLF is how the funding can make all kinds of public interest work possible. Through this funding, students at our school can work on protecting victims of domestic violence, advocating for the homeless, pursuing innovative policy reforms, or any number of different causes.

As President of CLF, I have learned a lot about leadership and delegation through this role. Our team worked incredibly hard to make this Auction come together, and I am very proud of them.

That Dragon, Cancer

Last week, I watched a playthrough of "That Dragon, Cancer". TDC is a video game made by Ryan and Amy Green, with the help of a few others. TDC follows Ryan and Amy and one of their sons, Joel. Joel was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer at the age of one. Although he was initially only given four months to live, Joel was able to live on for four more years.

TDC follows Ryan and Amy as they cope with the struggles of caring for Joel. In one scene, Ryan is in the hospital with Joel. It's late at night, and little Joel is crying. No, he's not crying. He's wailing. The pain in his head is too much to bear. He starts hitting his head against the bars of his crib. Playing as Ryan, you try to calm Joel down. You bounce him and hold him. He's still crying. You give him apple juice. He gulps it down greedily, then vomits it. This goes on for several minutes, as you desperately try to find a way to calm Joel down. Eventually, Ryan sits and prays. He prays that God would bring peace to his son. Suddenly, it's quiet. Joel is asleep. Peace. At least for tonight.

TDC also explores the role that faith plays for Ryan and Amy, both of whom are Christians. Amy earnestly believes that God will heal Joel of his cancer, that she would bear witness to a miracle. Ryan tries to believe, but finds himself struggling. He prays out of sheer desperation, with nowhere else to turn.

To say that one "plays" That Dragon, Cancer isn't quite accurate. There are some gameplay aspects about it, mostly surrounding exploration. Instead, it is an invitation into a very personal story. There is no simple answer, no magic cure that brings healing. But in the end, there is peace.

The game invites players to reflect on death, loss, and faith. I will hopefully never experience what Ryan had to go through in that long night in the hospital room, watching hopelessly as he tried to comfort his dying child, knowing that nothing he could do would make Joel feel better. But I am thankful that Ryan and Amy have invited others to share in their story.

Someone has a crush on me?!

There's a Facebook group here called UofC Crushes, in which people post anonymous romantic notes. My friend alerted me to a post the other day:

"I am in a committed relationship. HOWEVER, I spent last quarter fantasizing about my life with the beautiful Asian lawyer in my class whose mission was to represent homeless people. Take me now."

My responses:

1) I think that might be me. The "lawyer" bit makes me think that this is not a law student, and I did take two non-law school classes last quarter. I am Asian, and I did say in both classes that my mission was to represent homeless people.

2) Assuming this is me, I'm flattered that this person thinks that I'm beautiful. Don't get that a lot.

3) That said, I'm not worth breaking a committed relationship over. If you're committed to someone, you promise to stay with that person through thick and thin, not until something better comes along. And maybe I'm not that much better than who you're with now.

4) Still, I appreciate that this person noted not only my physical appearance, but my desire to advocate for others. Anonymous admirer! I will not let you down! I will keep fighting for others, because everyone deserves justice!